Are You Stalking Me Or Are You Just An Asshole 2?

A year later, I still hadn’t bumped into her. I was happy, but plagued with the anxiety of the fateful day when I’d be stuck on the elevator with Yenti. But it hadn’t happened yet, so I was in denial that she even was lurking. In the meantime, I was house hunting. Seriously.

One morning, I was doing my make up in my car outside my building. Why, you ask? Well, it all comes back to parking. I was parked in a spot in front of my place, which was only legal until 7 a.m. So, I decided to get in the car and do my make up there instead of in the bathroom like a normal person.

So, I’m doing my face and listening to Howard Stern, when all of a sudden, I see Yenti walking out of my building. I immediately ducked! When I saw her for the first time, I didn’t want it to be while applying mascara, in the front seat of my Toyota, like a friggin’ homeless chick. Like I’m living in the back seat of my freaking car or something. So, instead of looking like a loser, I’m ducking in my Toyota, holding my friggin’ YSL mascara thing out so I don’t get it all over my face.

I couldn’t pick my head up. I was afraid she’d see me.

Yeah right. Like she was really going to see me in my little Toyota. Like she had nothing better to do at 7 a.m. than to be looking in cars to see if people are hiding from her.

But to me. I had to hide. When I see her for the first time, it was gonna be on MY terms! And I definitely WASN”T going to be in a 1995 Toyota applying mascara when it went down dammit!

On Monday, I was schlepping home from work and my chiropractor appointment. About 7:30 at night. My back’s been out lately, so I’ve been wearing sneakers to work in order to get through the day. I was wearing black skinny trousers, a white T, a silver rain jacket and magenta sequin Converse All Star sneakers. I wasn’t wearing glasses, so I can’t see twenty feet away. But as I got closer to my building, I saw a woman out front. I got closer. NOOOOO. It’s not her! It can’t be …

Yenti!

Damn!! It’s her.

And I’m too close to turn around and take the back entrance. Of course she’s glammed to the max and I’m wearing a T-shirt and magenta sequin Converse All Star sneakers!

Busted!

“Hi Yenti.”

“Oh! After a year and a half, we finally see each other! Hi cutie, sweetie pie, cupcakes!! You look sooooo adorable in your magenta sequin Converse All Star sneakers.”

“Yeah, right.”

Ok. So, it went down. We exchanged polite ‘how are you’s’. Blah. Blah. Blah.

As I walked away, I thought, “I gotta move”.