Match Dot Shlong

I had a profile up on a dating website for a while. “Had” is the operative word.

It was actually a site for people of a particular culture.

I really don’t like dating websites, but I figure I may as well try, right? Even though they give me the creeps. And I thought it might be good because it was guys with the same background as me.

So, a got a hit from a cute guy. He was a good age. Divorced. Two kids. Seemed legit. I had to actually pay up for the stupid thing in order to write back to the dude. But, you know, I got a good feeling about it.

It took me about a month to do it, but I did. I was pondering over it. Should I? Shouldn't I?

Whatever, whatever.

So finally I signed up and got back in touch with him.

And the guy was still interested!

I was kinda excited about it.

He wrote back, “Here’s my email adres and telphone nummer. Call mee soon if you fell sayfe.”

I told him I’d feel safer if I could email him first (even though his spelling sucked for someone with a Masters degree), and he agreed.

His email address was his first and last name. So, since I had his full name, of course I Googled him.

Guess what came up?

His profile on “MiPuta.com”

His screen name was HOTGUY-4U

It read, “ GOOD LOOKING ‘RUSSIAN’ GUY WHO LOVES ‘BRITISH’ LADIES. LOOK HOT, DRESS HOT AND YOUR MINE.”

Note his spelling of ‘you’re’.

Also, I substituted the nationalities to protect the innocent. Other than that, that’s what it read verbatim.

On the site, there were like a million hot chicks’ pictures. And by hot, I mean they all look like hookers.

So. Hmmm.

This was the nice guy who, out of all of the guys on dating websites who I never gave the time of day, I decided was a good one?

Oh brother, my judgment with men is really in the shitter

I got so grossed out; of course I never contacted him.

I’m gonna be single forever.