American Hustler

I’ve been dying to see the movie American Hustle since it came out.  Didn’t get a chance to catch it in theatres.  But when it became available on demand, so I was excited to see it.  I had a free night the other day and decided to rent it.  I snuggled up, got cozy, popped some pop corn and settled in to watch the movie. 

Yay!

During opening credits, it stated that the movie was going to take place in 1978.  Great!  I thought.  I am a child of the seventies.  I graduated from High School in 1979.  I wore all the hottest clothes, listened to all the music, and danced the hustle.  I even snuck into a couple of discos with my sis!

I was enjoying getting into the movie.  Then, during a scene with Jennifer Lawrence, she was wearing a sheer white dress.  It was quick, but I thought I spotted a thong under her dress.  Hmmm.  But we didn’t wear thongs in the 70’s.  Umm, they weren’t invented yet.

Ok.  I kept watching.

Jennifer was trying her best at a Long Island housewife accent.  Unfortunately, she was falling in and out of it.  Half Long Island, half Chicago.  “Go to the stawh (LI for ‘store’) and buy a cahh (Chi Town for ‘car’). 

Hmmm. 

And she was nominated for an Oscar for this performance. 

By the time she got to her last scene, the Long Island/Chicago accent was completely gone and it sounded like just sloppy Hollywood.  Really surprising that they let that happen AND it got her an Oscar nom to boot.

But, I continued to watch.

All of a sudden, in a very poignant scene, Amy Adams whispers to Bradly Cooper, “You got this.” 

Huh?  Wait a minute.  Did she just say, ‘you got this’?

She couldn’t have just said ‘you got this’.  It wasn’t invented yet. 

Maybe it was just the popcorn crunching. 

Let me rewind.

Watched it again.

Increased the volume.

“You got this.”

UGH!!!!  Oh, no she didn’t!!!!!

But she did.

I’m sorry, but nobody said ‘you got this’ in the 70’s!!!!  This is ridiculous!!!

I continued to watch...

Later on in the movie, Christian Bale was taking about being ‘real’ a lot.  Something else we never said.

He also made a speech in which he says something about being in, “that place.”  Today, we say stuff about going to “that place” when referring to bringing up a topic of conversation or emotional state.  In the 70’s we would use “that place” when referencing a physical location.  

I hate to complain or nitpick , but this is a multi million dollar film.  Performances were Oscar nominated.  Didn’t anyone check for references like this?  Wasn’t anyone on the film older than 30? 

What the fuck??

In a film where they tried to replicate the fashion, the music, and the culture of the 70’s era, they dropped the ball on the dialogue.

Although, they also dropped it on the fashion.  I’m sorry, but no one walked around with an ultra low cut blouse down to there all day everyday.  To business meetings and lunches with their boobs popping out.  Maybe, just maybe they’d wear it to a disco.  But even then, if they were hustling (dancing) their boobs would never stay in.

Amy Adams’ hair was also super long.  But the Dorothy Hamil wedge cut was what everybody was wearing at the time.  This was a very short hair cut.  Very few women wore very long locks then.  And if it was long, it was not that long.  That was the 60’s.

So, needless to say, I hated this movie.  How could I get through it with all of these ridiculous anachronisms!  I’m sorry, I’m not a professional film critic, but if you’re going to make a movie that takes place in a particular era, get your shit together.  You must pay attention to detail.  Right?

I mean, the 20 and 30-somethings will never know the difference, but don’t you want to make an authentic quality film?

This film bites.  In other words,

“They don’t got this.”

Thou Doth Protest Too Much

The first time Yenta Hessa and I went to our Hampton house this summer, we went up to the house and knocked on the door. A leprechaun opened the door. It was a 40-50 year old man with shoulder length red curly hair, a 1970’s break dance lid and plaid pants. Like one of the Fat Albert cartoon characters. His name was Jesus (pronounced ‘hey-soos’; accent on the ‘soos’). He was very nice and helped us with our bags.

Jesus had a bangin’ body and turns out was staying at the house for the entire summer. He lived there in the summer, Miami in the winter, and the Upper East Side the rest of the time. He drove a BMW sports car. So, I thought it was natural to ask what Jesus did for a living.

His reply was, “Umm. Uhhh. Ohh. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Umm. Uhh. Ohh.”

“Huh? What kind of answer was that? What did that mean?”

Jesus could not answer and seemed offended by the question.

Anyway, he was actually very sweet and believe it or not, one of most normal guys at the house all summer! And as the summer progressed, I started to find him very hot.

But he had no interest, and I’m sure it was much better that way.

Our summer pass time was to figure out what Jesus did to earn money. There was a rumor that he was a male escort.

Then a strange thing happened in October. Jesus called me and asked Yenta Hessa and me to dinner and/or a movie that weekend.

Hmm. Interesting.

I figured it wasn’t a date and accepted that. He was going to a protest and would meet me afterwards. He is something of an activist.

But on the day of, he asked if I wanted to invite Yenta to come. He said, she can come along, but it would be dutch. I decided not to call her.

Dutch? Does that mean it will be dutch for me too? Is it a date? Or is it not a date? If it is, what should I wear? If it’s not, what should I wear?

Then it began. I needed to figure out what to wear. A dress or jeans? Sky high heels or flats? Heels would be a date. Flats would be just a friendly dinner.

It took hours.

I finally decided on cute skinny jeans, cute T, and sky-high Yves Saint Laurent Tributoo platform pumps. Fabulous.

We were going to meet at a neighborhood restaurant and then take it from there. I was a few minutes early, as I always am. I waited outside. It was a beautiful night.

All of a sudden I saw him. He was approaching me fast wearing …

… Wait for it …

Roller blades.

As he reached me to kiss me hello, he nearly knocked me off my Yves Saint Laurents because he used me to stop himself from rolling.

Really?

He was wearing sweat pants, a plaid shirt, and again, in case you missed it,,, roller blades!!!

I could do nothing but laugh about how funny that was. There I was in YSL, having dinner with a guy in roller blades.

No. He never took them off. They stayed on the whole time. He told me he wore them because he was late for the protest and needed to make some time.

He walked me home after dinner. Well, it’s more like I walked and he rolled.

God, I better not see anybody I know.

Oh, by the way, it was a date. He paid.

Damn!