Oh Rats!

Today I had to run some errands during lunch hour.

I had to go to the bank, pick up sunscreen for my trip (yey!), and grab a salad.

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was bright, the weather is getting warmer, I was able to zip up my favorite emerald green Prada pencil skirt this morning. (Thanks Weight Watchers!)

So far, it’s a good day.

So good, in fact, that I was practically skipping down the street to the bank, in my stunning turquoise blue spring coat, black suede platform wedges, and my Chanel rhinestone shades.

As I was saying, I was frolicking across 23^rd Street. Suddenly I spotted a small animal running towards me, trying to cross 23^rd Street as well!

Is it a cat?

Is it a dog?

Is it a squirrel?

Oh no! I think it’s a …

Dare I say it??

… RAT!?!?!

Yes. It is!!!

And it is coming right for me!

Then it swerved to the right. I swerved left.

Then it swerved to the left. I swerved right.

I wasn’t walking anymore. I was sort of jumping and screaming at the same time.

Then it came B-line for me.

Right in the middle of crossing 23^rd Street, I started skipping, hopping, and screaming simultaneously.

Can you get a visual?

That thing came so straight for me that I jumped over it to avoid it running right up my black suede platform wedges and emerald green Prada skirt.

There I am, hopping and screaming in the middle of the street as cars waiting at the red light!

I could see people looking at me and giggling, but I couldn’t help it. There was nothing I could do. It was goin’ down.

As I passed the rat and made it to the opposite street for safety, I was still screaming a little, giggling, and jump skipping. Then I made several grossed out, ewww body shakes.

More pedestrians on the corner saw it and were also amused.

Some bald, leather jacket, motorcycle guy turned to look at me as I approached the corner of 23^rd Street and 3^rd Avenue. He chuckled. “Wow, that’s something you don’t expect to see!”

I turned to him and agreed.

Have the rats now left the subways and taken over the streets? Do we have to step aside as THEY pass?

The streets are not big enough for the both of us Mr. Rodent!!

Another leisurely lunch hour stroll gone to shit.

It's Raining Cats and Dogs. Not Men.

I know that people are animal lovers. They love their dogs. They love everything about their dogs. They love their dogs’ poop. They love their dogs so much that they don’t mind touching their hot steaming load of poop with their bare hands. So much that they’ll walk around holding the hot steaming poop for while, until they find a proper place to put it.

They love their pooches so much they'll step over a homeless person to be sure man's best friend shits in the place of its choice.

Sometimes I think many folks love their pooches more than people.

I don’t want to offend anybody here because I am aware of how people feel, but I’m just stating some observations.

I was out to dinner one night with my BFF, Tara. It was like 500 degrees out. We sat outside at an Italian restaurant. We thought we’d have a relaxing dinner. And we were. But all of a sudden we both heard whining. Where was it coming from? The table next to us. These two twenty-somethings were kvetching about God knows what. And they wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t just me. They were making Tara crazy too. Then, a friend of theirs drops by. The friend has two dogs with her. What the…?

This isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed this. What’s up with people bringing their pets to restaurants? And what’s up with them being allowed in with their pets? I don’t get it!

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love animals as much as the next guy. But I don’t want them at my dinner party. For various reasons. Hair in my food, being one of them. A trip to the emergency room being another.

Listen, some people are very allergic to animal dander. My sister, Sookie, has a serious allergic reaction to dogs and cats. If she’s exposed, un-medicated, she can’t breathe.

People come into restaurants with their dogs. The dog may be on a leash or in their purse, but they’re in. And the weird thing is, the restaurants allow it. I have a problem with it. I love my dog too, but I don’t feel it’s appropriate to bring a pet to a restaurant. It is unsanitary, impolite, stinky, and people have very bad allergies to pets. So, it’s wrong for people to bring them there, but even more wrong for the owners to allow it. That’s all I’m saying.

The same thing goes for airplanes. I was on a flight with Sookie a few months ago. She is highly allergic to animals, including house pets (cats and dogs). If she knows she is going to a home with pets, she needs to medicate prior to the visit. If she doesn’t she has a severe allergic reaction, which could land her in the hospital. So it’s serious.

So sue me.