Alien

Last week I was away at a business trip. The meeting took place in the home of the presenter, specifically, in her living room. She has very high ceilings making for a little reverb. There was myself and four other co-workers present at the meeting. On the very first day, breakfast and lunch were catered. Breakfast was an egg taco, fruit, and yogurt. I took a little of everything, keeping in mind my quest to lose the eight L.B.’s I gained in the past two months.

Breakfast is done and we are listening to the speaker. It’s quiet, other than the sound of her voice.

My stomach grumbled a bit. I paid no mind.

Then,

GROWL!

‘Huh?’ I thought. ‘Was that me?’

‘I think it was, but, whatever.’

Then my tummy moved a little bit.

Hmm?

Then, a louder,

GROWL!

I turned to the woman next to me, “I’m sorry,” I said.

I hoped that that was the end of it. We would just move on. Until >>>

GROWL!

Oh no! Not again!!

Someone on the other side of the room yelled out, “I heard that!” Then everyone started laughing.

‘Shit! What the heck is going on?’

I felt like the Alien was inside of me, trying to get out. Well, I just wish it would come out already and stop this!

I stepped out to the washroom, hoping that something in there would stop the noises. I got back to my chair. Sat down.

‘Ok,’ I thought. ‘I’m fine now. It’s not gonna happen again.’

A few minutes later.

Yup.

Oy.

I mean, this went on all day!

I thought I’d eat light at lunchtime. It didn’t help. The alien in my stomach could not get free.

It growled so much, that the rest just stopped commenting on it. But I was still squirming in my chair every time it happened.

Finally it was dinnertime, and we were off to a restaurant. Thank goodness it was a noisy restaurant, so that my unborn child could make all the noise it wanted.

And it did.

That night, in my hotel room, I took a Tums, went to bed, with hopes that this alien nightmare would be all over by morning.

Battle of the Muffin Top

I knew I was going to probably gain a couple of lbs. with this new job. I mean, it’s only natural. I would be traveling a lot and therefore, eating out often. Then, you know, whenever you have a lifestyle change, your weight can fluctuate.

I just didn’t anticipate gaining so much so soon.

My first week on the job, I wore my True Religion ‘Billy’ jeans on the plane. You know the ones, with the white stitching? They’ve always been snug. But I bought them that way. I like my jeans tight. I mean, there’s nothing worse than a baggy jean. You gotta buy them a little snug so when they stretch out, they look perfect. Well, as you may know, True Religions are $$. But I’m willing to pay it because they make my bum look terrific. They are my favorite jeans.

So, I wore them to my first business trip, along with my denim Gap vest. A really cute outfit, if I must say. That was Sunday. By Thursday, those suckers were so tight, that I couldn’t breath. And my muffin top was workin over time!

But I wasn’t worried because I figured I’d lose it back as soon as I got home. I didn’t weigh myself when I got home.

I also made sure I didn’t wear those jeans to another business trip.

But that was not my only trip. I was traveling every other week all summer long. And I kinda felt like I was on vacation. So, you know how you eat when you’re on vacation? You over indulge, right? You try new foods from different cities. I mean, why deprive yourself of the experience?

I wasn’t exercising because I was afraid I’d hurt my back while away from home. So, I was eating more and sitting a lot.

Then, my back went out. It was so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed to eat anything or buy anything to eat. So I lost back a few. However, once the back was better and I was up and running again, I made up for lost time. So whatever I lost during my incapacitation, I gained back. And then some. I thought. But I wouldn’t weigh my self, so I didn’t know for sure. My clothes still fit. So, what, they were a little snug.

I was trying on dresses for a wedding last week. Some of the dresses that had fit nicely when I got them were really unwearable. What? How could that be? I was going to just have to wear the one that I could push myself into!

Never a good sign.

And the True Religion ‘Billy’ jeans were now a disaster!

So I decided to do the unthinkable.

Get on the scale.

>>>>

>>>

>>>

Omg!

Could it be right?

Yup.

I was almost 10 pounds up.

Seriously?

I’d been there before, but never wanted to go back. And there I was.

I really actually look good. I kinda like a more voluptuous frame. But then I can’t wear my fabulous clothes! And that’s just out of the question.

So….

Back to the old drawing board. I’ve been working at it all week. Let’s see what the outcome is when I get on the scale on Saturday.

Is There Life After Shopping?

My life is empty.

Since I was forced to give up shopping.

As you well know, I live and love to shop. For clothing. Footwear, in particular. And not any old footwear, mind you. Very expensive designer footwear.

Clothing comes second.

Food shopping.... last. At the hate end of the shopping spectrum of my love for shopping.

If that is at all possible.

My fetish for fabulous and fantastically expensive footwear got me into a little credit card debt, as my pockets lack my lavish fashion sense.

As you also know, I not onlyl had to stop shopping, but I was forced to return some of my prized posessions, including my quilted turquoise metallic Chanel 2.55 Re-Issue classic flap bag. Which, I might add, I miss very much 'til this day. And continue to dream of the day in which I can buy it back. the thought of the return still haunts my dreams. But my bank account balance haunted them more. The the dreaded, emotional return.

Since then, I supposed it's less than a year now, I have more or less quit shopping. As one quits smoking or drinking or crack.

In the words of Whitney Houston, "Crack is whack."

Needless to say, it has been very difficult.

So, I'm in better financial shape right now, but I'm still an addict who missese her fix.

The new job's been a good thing because I'm traveling a lot. So much so, that I literally have no time to shop. No place to shopo. Various family birthday gifts have consisted of aipport T-shirts and refrigerator magnets that say, "Welcome to Iowa!" with like a picture of a giant corn on the cob or tornado on it.

Birthday cards have been replaced with postcards from Minneapolis or Idaho, with a huge potato on it.

I bought a really cool cuff bracelet for myself at the Indiannapolis airport in June. I mean, really, that's the extent of my shopping sprees. And I really don't count that at tall. Bergdorf Goodman it is not!

Therefore, my life is empty.

I believe I was shopping because my life was empty. I filling a void. The void of no man, no Pop, and no children. Now, to that, I add no shopping. And no quilted turquoise metallic Chanel 2.55

Re-Issue classic flap bag.

So, I have a void from filling my void!

No wonder I have chronic back pain.

However, I am well on my way to zero credit card debt, what with all the changes. And I surprisingly occasionally do not have the urge to shop.

I am able to cheat a little bit. With this new job, I had to buy office supplies to set up my home office. All of which the company reimbursed me for. So, hey, I'm not buying Christian Louboutin Prive pumps, but it IS still shopping none the less. And I've had a love of office supplies since I set up my own play office as a kid. (While other girls were setting up a play kitchen, I was setting up a play business in my basement.)

I need to buy a laptop business rolling luggage bag. I get to spend $150 on it. Haven't bought one yet. I'm holding out for the perfect blue one. Whick doesn't exist because, they are all black. My theory for this is that men invent those for businessmen, not business women. Therefore, you can't find them in cute colors. Maybe there's a market? Maybe I need to start a business, like the Spanx lady!

In the meantime, I can't bring myself to purchase an ugly black bag to travel with, even if somebody else is paying for it. Instead, I continue to use my blue and purple leopard print Betsey Johnson tote.

In a few months I will be paid more. I'm not as yet, because I needed to go through this training process for the first three months, and then pass an exam. Well, I have passed, which hopefully means I will be back in the black in the near future. Hoopefully, by Christmas, so that my fam can get better gifts than they did for their birthdays this year!

But the first thing I want to do is buy back my quilted turquoise metallic Chanel 2.55 Re-Issue classic flap bag.