Oh Rats!

Today I had to run some errands during lunch hour.

I had to go to the bank, pick up sunscreen for my trip (yey!), and grab a salad.

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was bright, the weather is getting warmer, I was able to zip up my favorite emerald green Prada pencil skirt this morning. (Thanks Weight Watchers!)

So far, it’s a good day.

So good, in fact, that I was practically skipping down the street to the bank, in my stunning turquoise blue spring coat, black suede platform wedges, and my Chanel rhinestone shades.

As I was saying, I was frolicking across 23^rd Street. Suddenly I spotted a small animal running towards me, trying to cross 23^rd Street as well!

Is it a cat?

Is it a dog?

Is it a squirrel?

Oh no! I think it’s a …

Dare I say it??

… RAT!?!?!

Yes. It is!!!

And it is coming right for me!

Then it swerved to the right. I swerved left.

Then it swerved to the left. I swerved right.

I wasn’t walking anymore. I was sort of jumping and screaming at the same time.

Then it came B-line for me.

Right in the middle of crossing 23^rd Street, I started skipping, hopping, and screaming simultaneously.

Can you get a visual?

That thing came so straight for me that I jumped over it to avoid it running right up my black suede platform wedges and emerald green Prada skirt.

There I am, hopping and screaming in the middle of the street as cars waiting at the red light!

I could see people looking at me and giggling, but I couldn’t help it. There was nothing I could do. It was goin’ down.

As I passed the rat and made it to the opposite street for safety, I was still screaming a little, giggling, and jump skipping. Then I made several grossed out, ewww body shakes.

More pedestrians on the corner saw it and were also amused.

Some bald, leather jacket, motorcycle guy turned to look at me as I approached the corner of 23^rd Street and 3^rd Avenue. He chuckled. “Wow, that’s something you don’t expect to see!”

I turned to him and agreed.

Have the rats now left the subways and taken over the streets? Do we have to step aside as THEY pass?

The streets are not big enough for the both of us Mr. Rodent!!

Another leisurely lunch hour stroll gone to shit.

Dude Where’s My Car?

I lost my car on Saturday.

Well, it’s ok.

I found it.

But from the time I lost it to the time I found it, I think I grew 20 grey hairs.

I parked my car on the street on Friday afternoon. I always park my car on the street. Sometimes I forget where I put it, but it hasn’t happened in a while.

It’s a common problem. And easy mistake to make when you park in a different place, on a different block every day. The days sort of end up running into each other and then you forget.

Anyway, in parked on Friday afternoon on my block, a few Avenues west of my place. I had to really maneuver my car into the parking spot, since a huge white truck was double parked next to the car in front of my spot. It was a really good spot.

On Saturday, I was headed out to Long Island to see the family. I was running really late and it was cold and raining out. I started walking to the car. Only, when I got to the street where I thought the car was, it wasn’t there.

Hmmm. Maybe it’s on the next street over.

I walked over to that street. No car.

Maybe it’s on the next Avenue.

I walked over to that Avenue. No car.

It’s raining and cold. And now I’m beginning to panic.

Where the heck did I park the flippin car?

I had to stop and think.

Think!!

Maybe I’ll have to hail a cab and make him drive me round and look for it. I was getting fatigued.

It was also getting later and later. It’s almost not worth going anymore. As it was, I was running so late.

Maybe I should just turn around and go back to the apartment. But, I’ll have to find the car eventually. I may as well just keep looking.

Then, as a last resort, I prayed. I’m not the most religious person, but in times of need like this, I figured I’d give it a shot.

I prayed to the saint who helps you find lost shit, Saint Fenurious.

Suddenly, I remembered the big white truck. That made me remember the street it was on. The car wasn’t on one of the streets I was looking on. It was on my street! The street I live on.

I headed back towards my street.

As I turned the corner, there it was. My sweet car was sitting there waiting for me. Winking at me, as it always does.

I sweetie! There you are! Thanks for waiting for me!!

My faithful car was patiently waiting.

I unlocked the door and jumped in for warmth and dryness.

Thank you Saint Fanurious!