Your Heels Are Too High, You Can't Walk. You Can Only Drive!

As I mentioned last week, one of my co-workers was in town from Tennessee. I had promised her that when she came to town I’d take her shopping at Bergdorf Goodman. I was to meet her there.

Ahhh!

How amazing it felt to be back in my favorite store! I had not been in a while due to my poverty.

As I stepped through the revolving doors, entering the handbag department, I swam in the smell, the look, and the feel of the surroundings. Colors and sound and beauty everywhere. As I passed through the Chanel department, on my way to the escalator to the shoe salon, I stopped and scanned the merchandise. I was on the lookout for my 2.55 quilted turquoise metallic flap bag. It was no where in sight.

Then, I stepped onto the escalator. Headed to the shoe salon. As the escalator glided up, I could see more and more of the salon in my vision, on the horizon. Inch-by-inch. The Christian Louboutins are the first off the escalator. As they came into view, my heart raced more and more. I gasped a little when I arrived. Looked right and left at the hustle and bustle of the department. Beauty everywhere.

When April arrived I proceeded to show her around. Here’s the story about our little adventure at the shoe salon that day. During the tour, I noticed folks taking photos. Then I noticed handsome waiters in white jackets, passing out champagne on silvers platters. Hmm.

Shop. Shop. Shop.

It looked as if the people were taking pix with a handsome grey-haired man in black.

Hmmm.

Shop. Shop.

We found shoes we wanted to try and sent a salesman to find them.

The grey-haired man was sitting on a couch.

When the salesman returned, with shoe boxes piled high above his bald head, he gestured for us to take seats on the couch next to the grey-haired man. We did.

I only tried the Christian Louboutin black leather peep-toe bootie. They were gorgeous (like butter) but the heel must have been 7 inches. I was wearing a blue silk mini dress. The shoes looked amazing with it. My legs looked extra long. Oh, and I should mention, I was having a fabulous hair day during which I received a marriage proposal from a stranger. I was on fire!

April proceeded to try on her numerous selections.

Meanwhile, Mr. Handsome Grey-haired in black man eyed us. He kept looking at me in my stilettos and shaking his head “no” in disapproval.

I was just walking around the store, looking at myself in each mirror. Admiring the beauty on my piggies. Then, I’d sit back on the couch next to April and friend.

The grey-haired guy finally said to me in a thick French accent, “Those shoes are too high!”

I replied, “The higher the better!”

He said, “Do you have a car?”

I said, “Yes.”

He said, “Good. Because your heels are so high cannot walk anywhere. You can only drive!”

I said, “I can take a cab. I don’t have to walk! I only need to get from the cab to the door!”

He shook his head in disgust.

Then after a while he continued, “You have beautiful legs, but the shoes are still too high!”

Waiters offered us champagne on a silver platter. And of course! We accepted! I asked one of them what the occasion was. He said they were celebrating a shoe designer, Carlos somebody with a French name. I asked which man he was referring to. And he pointed out the Mr. Handsome Grey-haired guy in black as the shoe designer.

We both tried on a design of the handsome grey-haired guy in our sizes.

We hated them.

I Don't Know What it is, But I Got It!

Did you ever have one of those days when everything was going great? Well, I don’t get them often enough, but last week, I had one.

I was extremely busy at my new job that week. Team meeting was being held in Manhattan and folks were in from out of town and staying on the upper west side, so I was jetting around from one part of the city to the other.

I looked cute that day, but nothing really out of the ordinary. Mostly, I was sweating a lot because it was the end of October and something like 75 degrees outside. There are some days when I know I look fantastic and the day winds up like crap. Other days, not so much, and the day turns out terrific. So, it’s not a matter of looks or what you’re wearing I guess. But I know that when I feel like I look good or I’m dressed the way I like, or I’m having a great hair day I feel better and then I give off a certain vibe.

This day, everything was average; average outfit, average make up, average hair. I was, however, feeling good because I was doing some cool stuff with my job and I do enjoy flitting around Manhattan.

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention …

… one minute detail.

Shopping.

Bergdorf’s.


Yes, I know. I’m not supposed to be shopping. (Who died and made YOU the shopping police?) Let alone stepping my foot into Bergdorf Goodman. But I’ll tell you why I was there.

One of my co-workers was in town from Tennessee. I had promised her that when she came to town I’d take her shopping at Bergdorf’s. So, we carved some time out of our busy schedule to do it and we did.

Ahhh!

How amazing it felt to be back in my favorite store!

As I stepped through the revolving doors, entering the handbag department, I swam in the smell, the look, and the feel of the surroundings. Colors and sound and beauty everywhere. As I passed through the Chanel department, on my way to the escalator to the shoe salon, I stopped and scanned the merchandise. I was on the lookout for my 2.55 quilted turquoise metallic flap bag. It was no where in sight.

Then, I stepped onto the escalator. Headed to the shoe salon. As the escalator glided up, I could see more and more of the salon in my vision, on the horizon. Inch-by-inch. The Christian Louboutins are the first off the escalator. As they came into view, my heart raced more and more. I gasped a little when I arrived. Looked right and left at the hustle and bustle of the department. Beauty everywhere.

I waited for April to arrive at which time I proceeded to show her around. There’s a whole story about our little adventure at the shoe salon that day, but I will give you details in another post. All you need to know for now, is that April bought three pair of shoes…None of them under $795.

And I bought one.

Feeling guilty, we left Bergdorf’s, lavender bags in hand.

We had dinner plans in about an hour, but I needed to stop by my neighborhood to a) move my car b) change oh, and c) drop off my Bergdorf bag.

So, I moved my car and was entering my building, glowing I guess, from my purchase and from the great parking spot I just got. When I saw this cute guy from my building talking to the doorman. I say “hi’.

He says, “hi”. And “Wow! You look amazing! What did you do, get married or something? Is that why you look so fabulous?”

I was surprised this guy even spoke to me. He usually ignores me in the elevator. “No. Not that I know of.” And I kept walking.

“Why?” He asked.

“Because Anthony (the doorman) didn’t ask me.” I kept walking.

“Well. What about me?”

“You haven’t asked me either.”

“Ok then, Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” And I kept walking. Now I’m way past him half way down the hallway.

He kept talking. “Great!”

I turned back and yelled, “Since we’re engaged, what’s your name again?”

“Dan.”

“Mine’s BSM.”

“Hi!” Dan said.

Now I’m at the elevator. “See you at the wedding!” The elevator doors opened. I stepped in and they closed.

I giggled to myself. What was up with that?

Went in. Dropped off my purchase. Changed. Left.

As I passed Anthony on my way back out, I began ask him what the heck had just happened, when he handed me a business card. It was Dan’s! He had left it with Anthony for me.

I asked Anthony what Dan’s story was. “Is he a player?”

“He ain’t got no game to be a player!” Anthony replied.

I laughed and grabbed a cab to dinner.

At dinner, I told the ladies my story. I said to April, “Between Bergdorf’s and dinner, I got a marriage proposal!” I was taking out the card to show them it really happened, when I saw writing on the back of it.

Hi BSM

It would be nice to chat!

Dan

I said to April, “What’s going on today? I don’t know what it is!”

She snapped, “I don’t know what it is either, but you got it!”

Armrest Anyone?

I’m flying home from a business trip tonight. Of course, when I arrived at Buffalo airport my flight to Philly was delayed, which was going to make me miss my connection. I was re-routed to get to my destination via Washington DC. This whole thing was going to extend my trip about five hours. But who’s counting?

After waiting around a while at the airport, and changing gates a few times, we boarded. Now, the airline had taken it upon themselves to choose my seating. Now, I’m a little particular about my seating. So I’m sure to check-in and print my boarding pass up the night before a trip. Which is what I did for this one. I choose my seat wisely. I’ve learned to get an aisle seat at all cost so as not to be monkey in the middle or squished up against the window by Biggie Smalls next to me. Also, I don’t want a seat near the bathroom. So, it’s a whole thing.

Last night I was trying to choose a seating row which could maybe be empty today. Should I sit in row nine? The exit row? Or should I sit in row ten, where there are two empty seats next to me and hope that they don’t show last minute? I finally made a decision on my seats.

Now that I agonized over my seating last night, I would have no choice in the matter today.

So, I board the plane and walked back to my assigned seat. It was going to be a window seat.

Damn.

I get to the row and see my seat near the window – 10A. Next to my seat is a seat without a back. There’s a sign on the seat cushion, which reads, “Not for passenger use” That’s the seat I’m next to. There are two seats in the row, and one of them is unsittable. Cool! I’m in a row by myself. I can spread out!

As people passed the seat they made jokes about it. Like, “That’s the cheap seat.”

The guy behind the cheap seat was also psyched because it gave him more leg room. And we know the men need their damn leg room. He was actually nice.

So we spread out. I elbowed the nice guy behind the cheap seat a couple of times by accident. We joked some more.

When the plane landed, people said some more stuff to the nice guy and they laughed yet again.

I got up and headed toward the overhead bin to grab my turquoise carry-on. (Yeah, it’s turquoise. But that’s another story for another day.) As I did so, I hit the cheap seat’s armrest. And it fell off!

I held it up in the air and yelled, “Armrest anyone?”

The whole plane cracked up laughing!

More comments started to circulate; “Did you pay extra for that seat?”; “How’d we just get here in one piece?”; “I’m glad the inside of the plane works better than the outside.”

You get the idea.

When things like this happen, it opens up conversation between strangers. The guy behind me was traveling because he was on his way to visit his girlfriend. He had a ring in his suitcase to ask her to marry him. He was staying on the plane to his destination to do so. I had overheard him telling his neighbor this exciting news. I hated to appear that I was eavesdropping on their conversation. But on my way out of the aircraft I turned back and exclaimed, “I hope she says yes!”

The plane giggled again.

It appears I'm funny at twenty thousand feet.