Saks and the City

As previously mentioned, I’m in the market for a new Chanel bag. Ever since I returned my turquoise metallic quilted 2.55 Chanel flap bag, I have regretted it. I miss it very much.

Yada yada yada.

As a result of this obsession, I have a few stories.

I like to do my homework when I’m in the market for a purchase. So, I go shopping. One day I popped into Saks Fifth Avenue to take a look at the Chanel department. I was inspecting some of the cheaper bags. About $2200. Hmm. A bargain!

Suddenly, a salesgirl was on me. She was statuesque, blond, well dressed, face totally made up, and striking. Her name was Svetlana and she had a thick Russian accent. I made the mistake of telling her that I was looking for a classic flap bag. She ran away for a minute and came back with a black calfskin single flap jumbo bag with silver hardware. It was gorgeous.

She told me it was on sale. Only $4000.

Wow! What a deal!

Except I was looking for a jumbo black calfskin double flap with gold hardware. But it WAS a bargain. The one I wanted would be more.

It was lovely.

I looked at myself in the mirror for a while. And I looked good!

Svetlana needed to excuse herself for a moment to leave me with the Chanel. Before she left she warned, “Do not let go of the bag. People are looking at it.”

I had noticed that another salesgirl kept approaching Svetlana and whispering something, then looked at some other customers. Then walked away.

They were staring. Not at me.

At Chanel.

It was freaky.

And such pressure!

While Svetlana was gone, I was trying to figure out what to do. The bag WAS a good price. But it wasn’t exactly what I had wanted. For that money, it really should be exactly what I want. Right?

But then again, it was fabulous.

Maybe I should just buy it. The vultures are circling. Omg!

The other salesgirl was hovering.

Customers were still staring.

They were like zombies in a Dawn of Dead re-make.

I was sweating.

My heart was racing.

The other salesgirl passed and stared at me again.

As the time passed, I began to calm down a bit.

I thought, I need to either buy this thing or get the heck out of here. But do I have a credit card I can use? Do I have the money? No! Ugh!

If I leave now, I won’t have the pressure of Svetlana and her damn accent trying to convince me to buy this thing.

I kind of had a tiny angel on one shoulder telling me to leave and a red devil on my other shoulder telling me to buy it.

Damn them!

I put down the Chanel and hightailed it outa there.

As I exited the large double doors and stepped onto Fifth Ave.

I was able to breathe.

Holy shit, that was close!

Blue shoes and Obama, sittin in a tree

It was President Obama!

That’s right. He was meeting with Al Sharpton.

I wish he would have stopped. I’m sure he could have hooked me up with a Gucci make-up case.

I have no time for this! I have to get to Saks!

Finally, one of the cops yells, “Ok, you can cross. But do it now, because the street’s going to be closed for the next 20 minutes!!”

I thought, “I better go, go, go before I’m stuck here all night. Without Gucci.”

“Bye. Bye. Obama! I’m off to Saks.”

Saks didn’t have any Gucci, Prada, or freakin’ Coach for that matter, for under 200 bucks. And the customer service sucked.

Everyone was telling me I should buy a scarf, while yawning and avoiding eye contact.

Ugh!

Still no word from Angelina.

I decided to leave Saks and head back to Gucci. Forget this! And forget Angelina! I’ll just buy the make up case for $190 and I’ll pay the difference, I thought.

I finally got to Gucci at 7:03 P.M.

Try to open the door.

Pull. Pull.

It must be stuck.

Pull. Pull.

The big Gucci-suited bouncer grunted, “We’re closed.”

“Go away and come back tomorrow.”

Now what? All this, and nothing to show for it but a tryst with the Prez.

I looked right. Do I just go get the bus home?

I looked left. Or should I walk back to Saks?

I walked right, to the bus stop, empty handed, and waited 25 minutes in the rain and cold in my fabulous turquoise spring coat. A lady at the bus stop complimented my blue coat.

Ring, ring.

It’s Angelina. I updated her. She still wanted to get handmade jewelry from her friend. She didn’t think designer accessories were very JWOW anymore anyway. Whatever the fuck that means.

Do we really care anymore? It’s crunch time! We are not shopping for the freakin’ Queen of England here. Let’s just buy something and she can just exchange it for the love of God!!

But I was nice. Angelina said she’d go shopping tomorrow on her day off.

This is ridiculous.

I think I wanna buy my own gift.

I bumped into President Obama racing to Gucci

I’m invited to a birthday party for a work girlfriend, JWow. Another co-worker was invited as well, Angelina. Angelina and I thought we’d go together. And perhaps go in on a birthday gift together as well. Sounds pretty basic. Yes?

No.

We had a budget of $100.

Weeks prior to the event, I started coming up with gift ideas. I asked Angelina, “How about a gift certificate to Ouidad curly hair salon?”

“No. She got a treatment.”

“How about a hand made knit scarf?”

“No. Spring is coming.”

Angelina has a friend who makes jewelry. She suggested that, but I didn’t feel it was enough from two people.

So, she said she’d go shopping on her day off.

… But she didn’t.

I was coming up with more ideas.

“Gucci?” Online, the cell phone case or the make-up cases were $150.

Angelina agreed to the make-up case. So I was going to go to Gucci to pick it up. By then, it was the Wednesday before the party. There was no time to order online, which would have been much simpler.

I planned to go over to Fifth Avenue after work. I got on the bus to Bergdorf Goodman. They have Gucci AND it’s my favorite store. It took forever to get there. What’s up with the traffic today?

Got there and they didn’t have the make-up case. But they suggested I buy a scarf for my budget. I stopped by the Chanel counter on the way. This was a very dangerous venture for me, but I survived unscathed.

Off to Gucci!

Walked a block over to Gucci. Jeez! Nothing was under $200 there. Not even the make up cases I saw online for $150!

They suggested I buy a scarf.

Now what do I do?

Off to Saks Fifth Avenue.

I began to walk the seven blocks to 49^th Street and 5^th Avenue, in the rain.

I’m hungry.

I’m tired.

I called Angelina to get her input. No answer.

Bitch.

As I approached 53^rd Street, there were police and a motorcade. And they weren’t allowing anyone to cross the street.

Damn! Don’t they know I need to get to Saks!!

It was President Obama!