Looking for shoes in all the wrong places.

I came down from the high of my Bergdorf run. It was then that I realized I purchased too many. My habit was getting me into a little bit of credit card debt. I was shopping impulsively. But I was in denial of the ‘problem’.

Here’s my shopping thought process. I see something fabulous. Full price. Not on sale. I don’t care. I have to have it. If I don’t have it, it’s going to negatively affect my life. Orphans, calling out to me for a home. My home. And I have to oblige.

While making the purchase I feel very important. Handing my credit card over to the very helpful salesperson is empowering. Walking out of the store, with a crisp, new Bergdorf bag. Or Chanel. Or YSL. Or Gucci. Or Christian Louboutin. Mmmm. What an excellent sensation. Walking down Fifth Avenue with a brand new purchase. I had arrived.

At home, I immediately try on my new purchase. I model them for myself in every mirror in my apartment. With different outfits. In different lighting. I feel fabulous for the rest of the day.

But at night, when I go to bed, I start to feel a bit uneasy. Start to visualize the bill in my head. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking of it. But it would be forgotten by morning.

I was in love with my quilted turquoise metallic Chanel classic flap bag. Uhhh! To die for. It was so lovely, I didn’t even wear it yet. I was waiting for the right event. It was too good to even wear it. It was $3200 without the tax. Oh, but it was gorgeous. And sooo worth it. Notice the past tense?

But as I mentioned, the bills were piling up. Once I came out about it to my sister and Mom about my little ‘problem’, I was forced to take action. I knew what I had to do. But… Noooooooooo. I couldn’t possibly… RETURN!? Gulp!

I bargained with my sister. “If I return the Chanel dress, can I keep the quilted turquoise metallic Chanel classic flap bag?”

“No.”

“How about return six pairs of shoes, but keep the turquoise suede Christian Louboutin prive peep-toe pumps and the quilted turquoise metallic Chanel classic flap bag?”

“No!”

“Shit!” I hate her.