Like a Rhinestone Thong

My friend, Yenta Hessa, had a booty call boyfriend. You know, a friend with benefits? A fuck buddy? Yeah, that. She’s still friends with him now, but the benefits have expired. His name is Motke.

Yenta met Motke through her ex-boyfriend, Issur. Motke was a good friend of his. Several years following the bitter break up from Issur, she saw Motke again. They always got along and still did. She ended up seeing him a lot, as friends. But she was beginning to have feelings for him. He didn’t have a girlfriend. She didn’t have a boyfriend. Maybe it could work. And wouldn’t it just be a sweet revenge against Issur as a bonus?

Although, she flirted a bit, Motke didn’t bite. But one night, after a pretty wild party, they slept together. “I guess he likes me!” Yenta Hessa thought, girlishly. But the next day, he hightailed it out of there, not to speak of it again.

“Huh? What the heck was that?” Yenta pondered. I guess it was just a one-night-stand to Motke, while Yenta Hessa thought it was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. She’d never had a one-night-stand before. She never wanted to. If she knew it was going to be that way, she never would have done it.

So, she continued being friends with him. They saw each other. Stayed in touch. Then. Another party. Guess what? Same thing. Guess what happened the next day? Same thing. Oy.

Well, at least Motke wasn’t just a one-night-stand anymore. Whew!

A few months later, Yenta Hessa saw Motke again for drinks in the city. Seemed like just friends again. She went back to his place afterwards. It was much too late to cab it home alone, so he asked her to stay. Of course, he made a move, and sure enough, they were doing it again. Afterwards, he went to sleep in his room and left her on the convertible sofa in the living room. What?? She woke up in the morning wondering why the hell she was sleeping, alone, on this guy’s couch?? She was fabulous!! There was something very wrong with this.

She did the walk of shame back to her apartment. While walking, she vowed never to sleep with Motke again.

She really had feelings for him and all he thought about her was a friend he could screw with no ties.

Yenta Hessa continued to communicate with Motke and see him periodically. But she didn’t sleep with him again, even though he begged and pleaded. He tried to talk her into it. ‘Why didn’t she want to, why shouldn't they? They were both healthy and single.’ Blah, blah. Yenta felt like she was in high school with all the convincing. She was single so long, a couple of times she almost caved. But she really didn’t want to have the feeling of emptiness that she had had after being with him before. So she didn't succumb to his persuasion.

It’s been around nine years since that last time with Motke. Recently, she’s been getting emails and texts from him. He continues to ask. She gets these texts, “Meet me at such and such bar tonight. Can I sleep over your apartment afterwards?” Yenta just blows it off. But lately he’s been sending her pictures of Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie he wants to buy her, “…for putting up with me all these years. I just want to do this for you. I don’t even have to see you in the outfit.”

Yeah, right. I bet.

Yenta's like, "Why don't you just buy me a sweater?"

One of the outfits is a rhinestone thong and bra set. She showed it to me. It’s really nice. But, really, what would you do with it? It probably hurts like hell! What’s worse than a thong underwear in your ass?

A rhinestone thong in your ass.

A metaphor for Yenta Hessa’s booty call relationship.