Saggy Boobs, Bloomers and Crinkled Thong Butts: Adventures at Loehmann’s Back Room

Speaking of undergarments, or lack there of, have any of you ever experienced the Back Room at Loehmann’s? Well, if you haven’t, it’s truly an experience to remember. For those of you who don’t know, Loehmann’s is a designer clothing discount store. One of the first of the genre. It’s a chain in New York. I’m not sure if there are any Loehmann’s outside of New York. The clothes are fantastic. Designer all the way. And the prices are really good.

Back in the day, they used to cut the labels out of the clothing, so you didn’t know who the designer was. Well, not unless you were very savvy. I think that’s how they were able to sell the stuff so cheap. Years later, they started keeping in the labels. So you know which designer you were getting for sure. Labels intact. You didn’t need to be as well informed as a consumer/fashionista.

But the real experience is in the Back Room… Actually, I’m not sure if all the stores have a Back Room anymore, but they used to. Talk about an experience to remember. Ok, so the Back Room is a section of the store where there are even better high-end designer finds. When you walk into the Back Room, there are racks and racks of clothes, just like you see in a department store (Bloomingdales, Lord & Taylor, etc.) but all the women are naked!

Ok, so they’re shopping, right? Dressed. Then they see something they like and want to see if it fits. Boom. They strip down and try it on, right there where they stand. Can you imagine? Shopping at Bloomies in the evening dresses department, then all of a sudden all the shoppers are naked! Yikes! It’s very scary. Horrifying.

Now, let’s get this straight. These women do NOT look like Heidi Klum. They are mostly shriveled up old ladies! And do you think they’re wearing big fat bloomers? Nope! They’re wearing tiny thongs or Victoria’s Secret bikini underwear. Sometimes panty hose and no panties at all! And on top? Tiny little brassieres. Or sometimes NONE at ALL!

Have you ever seen a 1000 year old woman’s boobs? They are very scary. Very long and pancake-like. Well, you don’t want to. But you will at Loehmann’s Back Room. In broad daylight.

Oh yeah, and it stinks in there too.

Yuk!

Yes. When I told you it was an experience, I was not kidding. Sorry if you’re all getting a visual, but I’ve lived it. And I’m scarred for life!