There’s A Big World Out There

I was once married. For a very short period of time. A very long time ago. But it changed me forever.

While I was going through my divorce, I had several setbacks. One of which was that my lawyer died before the divorce was final. The whole divorce process was difficult enough, without my lawyer dying halfway through. I was married for six months. The divorce took two years to finalize. It should have been quick or even annulled. But no! Of course! It took friggin’ years.

But after all the drama, we finally got the groom to agree to sign the divorce papers. Since, my lawyer had just died, instead of hiring another lawyer, his office took care of finalizing things. Now, due to the circumstances of the situation, I did not want to as see my ex ever again. So, my lawyer arranged for this throughout. I didn’t want to go to trial and didn’t want to see him. And I never did. I never saw or spoke to him during the whole process. I’m sure my ex hated the idea. But it was what it was. I wanted what I wanted and I got it. I love my lawyer for that.

So, it came down to the day of the signing of the papers. I’d waited for that day for so long, and had been through so much, that I couldn’t believe it had finally come.

We were going to meet at my lawyer’s office in Manhattan. My sister and brother-in-law accompanied me. I remember I was going to be in one room, while the ex was in another in the lawyer’s offices. As I said, I did not want to see him. I was anxious knowing that he was in the building. In the next room. I was scared. Scared, but excited. Excited about the future.

It was as if my life had stopped while I was waiting for this divorce to go through. I felt I couldn’t move forward if I was still married. Move forward as a person, as a woman, professionally, personally, and spiritually. I wanted my name back, my identity back. This day, I would.

We waited in the room for quite a while. Hours? It was like awaiting my fate. Waiting for paint to dry. But it was worse, because the enemy was lurking in the next room. As we waited I looked out the window. Through it, I saw New York City. At that time, I lived in Long Island, but I always loved The City. As I stared out the window, my sister later told me that at that moment I said, “There’s a big world out there.”

At least after today, I would have the opportunity to be in it.