Who Died and Made YOU the Fashion Police?

A few months ago I was sitting on the bus. In the back. Clearly I take the bus a lot. It’s a fabulous way to travel around the city. If you have a lot of time. Of course the subway’s a lot faster. But I live so far east that I have to take a bus to get to the subway. So, oftentimes, I just take the bus. Also it’s a more civilized way to travel, don’t you think? And then, you are safe above ground, in case of an emergency. Not to mention, you can see the sites as you travel.

On the down side, it’s slow. I mean really slow. Like you can walk faster. So you need lots of time to get where you’re going. The local stops at every block. Folks take forever getting on and off.

Anyhow, back to my story. I’m sitting there in the back of the bus, so I can see everyone walking in. It’s friggin’ cold out, like it was all winter long. Then, a fabulous woman walked on. She was about 70, but I wanna be her, not when I’m 70, but like in six months. She was tall, slim, and beautiful. Wearing fur; a big fur hat, coat, boots, and purse. Black leggings, red lipstick, black sunglasses. She walked on and immediately ruled that bus. She sat beside me.

I was reveling in her awesomeness, when I heard a voice. I looked over. A very plain woman, wearing brown penny loafers, was shaking her head and yelling at the fabulous fur lady. Talking some kind of smack like, it’s terrible that the fur lady was wearing fur and that animals were killed to make all the fur, etc.

Ok, so she said it. And so was it over? No. She kept at it.

At first the fabulous fur lady just ignored the loafers lady. But then, she finally said something, “Who died and mad YOU the fashion police?”

You go fabulous fur lady!

I didn’t say a word.

Another woman and her husband beside us didn’t say a word either.

Loafer lady kept muttering stuff.

Then the fur lady said, “Oh yeah? What are your shoes made out of?”

The loafer lady didn’t have a reply. She just kept mumbling about the fur and the animals. Then she got off the bus.

It was silent for a while.

Then I leaned over to the fabulous fur lady and said, “I don’t care what she says, you look fabulous!”

The woman beside me agreed.