Does Anybody Have a Friggin' Towel?

Kissing a guy you don’t like is pretty gross. Nothing helps, even a couple of beers before the date. Even if you did like him, then you kiss him and he licks your face, you don’t like him anymore. Or, he’s ugly. You’re NOT attracted, then you kiss him and he’s such a good kisser that, now you love him!

When I was dating Schmooly I really tried to like him. Schmooly looked really great on paper. He was tall and relatively handsome, had a good job, nice car, same religion and nationality, house. He was a very nice man. Respectful. But he was the one that, on our first date, before we even got out of the car to go to the restaurant, jammed his tongue down my throat so far he was able to taste my breakfast! Can you believe I went out with him again after that? Well, I did. After all my mother really liked him. That’s a good enough reason, right?

So, here’s the thing with that. I’m a bad picker. I did such a lousy job picking a husband, that I was up for suggestions. “Maybe I should take some other peoples’ advise.” I figured I should stay away from the bad boys and go for the good guys from now on. Schmooly was a ‘good guy’. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be attracted to the good guys. And I wasn’t.

But really, was he so good? Look what he did during the first date.

Anyway, I decided to let that slide and try again.

Bur every time we kissed, it was always the same…

WET.

Yuk.

Even so, I continued to date him, but began to avoid kissing him at all cost. That’s bad. How long could that go on? I figured eventually I would ‘grow’ to like it.

Yea right.

Nope.

I had an idea. In the past I always felt more affectionate after having a few drinks. I though that if I went to the date a little tipsy, I would be attracted to Schmooly. I didn’t really keep alcohol in my apartment, but I had some beer left over from a party. I downed like three cans. Went on the date. What happened?

Nothing.

Not tipsy at all.

Still not attracted to Schmooly.

At all.

Only thing that did happen, was now I smelled like a bar brawl.

I dated this guy Rebbi. He was a close friend of my brother-in-law. He was tall, dark, and handsome. European accent. Except he was a player. Bad boy. I was attracted to him, to a certain degree. Guess what?

Bad kisser!

Who would’ve thunk it?

I couldn’t entirely be into him because after he would kiss me goodnight, I’d walk away wiping off my face. Ugh! I mean, really! I tried and tried, but I just couldn’t do it! It’s really a deal breaker. I ended up only feeling for him like a friend.

How many disgusting frogs do I have to kiss already!

And does anybody have a friggin’ towel?

Ewwww!