Sandy was young, attractive, successful, doing her thing. She was waiting for a guy who was handsome, smart, attractive, and could handle all of her. Looks like she was into the bad boy type, which was probably a mistake. It didn’t work out with jerks like Matthew McConaughey and that young guy from The Notebook. Because they were either her age, and stupid or too young. Guys our age are never looking for girls their age, they’re looking for girls ten to fifteen years younger than them. Especially the guys in their mid-thirties and forties. They want kids, and they don’t want them with us because we may not be able to have them, so they go younger.
Who wants us? The younger guys or the decrepit guys. But the really younger guys, don’t want us for marriage (except for maybe Ashton Kutcher, but we’ve yet to see how THAT works out). And we mostly don’t want to marry them either. The old guys, well, they are just too gross.
So basically, we’re fucked.
The generations following us are figuring it out. After all, our generation raised them. The women are getting educated but not afraid to marry early and have their kids too. The men are not freaked out by them and are not ashamed to share household chores.
When I first heard that Sandra Bullock was marrying Jesse James, I was concerned. I was like, “THAT was what she was waiting for all these years??” I mean he was almost her age, ok, but they didn’t really fit. He was a tattoo biker dude bad boy. But then they looked happy for a bit, so who was I to judge, right? Maybe it was possible.
I only found out recently that Jesse was previously married to Janine, the famous porn star. I mean she must be one of the most famous porn stars. Now, what do I know from porn stars? But even I knew of her… because she was famous. She dated some 90’s hair band guys and was even in some rock videos and on an album cover model for Blink 182. Now she’s in jail.
So, when I heard about that, I became worried for Sandra. Why would a guy who was attracted to tattooed porn stars, then go for squeaky-clean Sandy Bullock? It did not make sense. Maybe it was at a time when he realized he needed to go straight and thought he could do that with Sandy. Maybe Sandy thought she was getting the excitement of the bad boy with a heart of gold. I did that. I married a bad boy and I thought he was just misunderstood. He was not. I just didn’t see it. In the end, all he was was a bad boy. Period. And they don’t call ‘em bad for nothin’.
Anyway, who wanted to be in a fight with a scary tattooed porn star? Not me! ‘Stay far away, I’m a famous legitimate Hollywood actress and producer.’ I was nervous for her.
But there he was, holding her purse at every red carpet at every major awards show this season. Looking all innocent.
Now we find out that he’s been canoodling with another tattoo girl for the past year.
DIDN’T I CALL IT?
I’ve developed a really good sixth sense. I can tell when celebrity couples are going to break up or die. I always announce it to my Mom and/or sister. Then once it comes true, they’re like, “You called it!”
I spoke to my sister about it today. “You called it! You should write about it.”
So, Sandy joins the ranks of Julia Roberts, Reese Witherspoon, Halle Berry, and Kim Bassenger (to name only a few), who all lost their men after winning an Oscar for best actress. Why? Because the men, no matter how far we’ve come as women, cannot handle it. They feel emasculated in the company of a superior woman.
We paved the way, but we continue to bare the burden. And we continue to see it in our role models. If it is any consolation, at least we are not alone.
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