Frenemies

I was so excited to go to Puerto Rico for the first time. There was aconference being held there. So there would be me, Puerto Rico, and five thousand singles. Not bad odds.

I‘d agreed to room with a new girlfriend. I’d spent some time with her on the previous excursion to Florida. During which she was an ass most of the time. I wasn’t even rooming with her and she ended up yelling at me on the trip!... More than once! I’m sorry, but with girlfriends, I draw the line at yelling at each other.

Against my better judgment, I’d promised to room with her in PR. But after the Florida trip I didn’t want to anymore. When I tried to get out of it she freaked, “YOU CAN’T NOT GO NOW, I ALREADY MADE RESERVATIONS!” So, I was stuck.

It’s funny about girlfriends; they can be great over the phone, or at the club. But room with ‘em or give ‘em a couple of martinis and it all goes to hell in a hand basket. The whole reason why they’re still single begins to become very clear.

Since my recent Florida trip pretty much turned to shit, I was determined to have fun in PR. So, I went with an open mind. Willing to be considerate of my roommate and ready to meet lots of new people... A.K.A., umm ,,, men.

So, we got there safe and sound, dressed, had dinner, and went straight to the first party of the trip. At the party, my roommate, we’ll call her “Malice”, found a guy she knew, and then disappeared. I started to feel sleepy from the day’s traveling. Couldn’t find Malice to tell her I was going to go up. (Not that I needed her approval to go up, but it was the first night, and I didn’t want to ditch her so soon.) Instead, I decided to explore the hotel lobby. There were some great shops in the lobby very close to the bar and club area. They were all closed though. So, there I was, peering at the 30% bathing suit sale, alone in my ice blue leather slit skirt with matching halter top and white strappy sandals.

All of a sudden I hear a man’s voice say, “Hey.” Being a New Yorker, I was immediately on my guard.

“Hey?” I said, as I turned to see an adorable man smiling at me.

“What are you doing?” He asked with a strange accent I couldn’t place.

“Looking at the sale.” Very cautiously. Didn’t trust him. What did he want?

“Where are you from?”

“New York.” He seemed harmless (and handsome), so I reluctantly turned away from the bathing suit sale and started talking to him a little. May as well waste some time ‘til I find roomie.

P.S., he didn’t leave my side for the rest of the night.

P.S.S., he didn’t leave my side for the rest of the WEEK!

“Avi”. Turns out he was from New Orleans and was also in for the conference. Dreamy.

In a day or two he and his friends and me and mine started to hang out together. But his friends left and Avi and Malice and I stayed on. The first night Avi was there without his “boys”, he’d mentioned calling us later on to find out what we were going to do that night. So, I was expecting the call. I was excited, because this will have been the first time he called. I couldn’t wait to hear his voice on the telephone and speak to him. Malice and I were dressing in the bathroom. She’s in the toilet. There’s a telephone in the toilet. It rings. Before the first ring was complete, Malice snatches up the bathroom phone.

“Oh, yes, Avi ...blah, blah, blah...giggle, giggle, giggle. Meet you at 8. Bye Avi ...

Click.”

UUUUUUHHHHH. Whaaaattttt?? What the fuck!?! I couldn’t believe she just did that! What a fucking bitch! How could she sabotage my first call from Avi! BITCH!

But I kept applying my mascara in the mirror like nothing happened. I should have rang her fuckin’ neck. But instead I thanked her for inviting him to dinner, which I wouldn’t have had the guts to do. So, he was meeting us for dinner. I was happy about that. But at dinner, Malice just monopolized the conversation. I could not get a word in edgewise. Of course they both had and loved dogs. So they had plenty in common. Of course I can’t keep a cactus alive, much less an animal. So they ignored me.

After dinner we went to the bar. Avi stroked my hair, while Malice talked a-mile-a-minute. That was supposed to be our last night in PR. We ended up getting stranded for three more days, due to a volcanic eruption on a nearby island. So I had more time with Avi. But Malice proceeded to pull the same shit for the rest of the trip. It was pretty damn annoying. I mean it got to the point where they were talking over me while I was tanning on a lounge chair between them!

Needless to say, he never called when we got back home. I felt bad. I had asked Malice for advise when I first met him. She told me to go for it.

So, I guess it’s all HER fault.